My Annunciation

After hanging up the phone with the nurse at the doctor’s office, I burst into tears. I sobbed with a vengeance. Bob wrapped me in his arms, all smiles and excitement about this new life that was beginning within me. I just felt terrified and alone and unprepared having always imagined that the news of pregnancy would be delivered in a more joyous and controlled context. You know one where I was prepared, ready and waiting. Instead I was totally caught off-guard.

Bob held me as I wept and he laughed through much of it. (This is when the father of four children can provide assurance and support.) I just knew that nothing would ever be the same in my life. I had always thought I would become a mom when I was ready and when I "had it more together." Hmmm...Guess no one ever has it together enough to be a parent.


In the painting by Botticelli of the Annunciation, the angel Gabriel kneels before a blue and salmon robed Mary. Her body is contorted and twisted - seeming to move both to and away from the messenger and his message. When I pointed out my reading of the painting at work, the woman who brought the book in said "But Sister Wendy describes it as Mary swaying in awe of this great event."

I think there is less wonder and more dread in Mary's response. Sister Wendy has obviously never found out that she is pregnant and unmarried...in a loving and committed relationship, yes... but still aware of the possibility of being stoned. That figure of Mary was full of ambivalence. How could someone not see it? It seemed like an honest response to me. I mean how could anyone approach pregnancy without feeling some ambivalence?

Mary was swaying to the reality of a new vision she was not strong enough to embody. Before a seed roots and begins to take form there must be moments of chaos.

Maybe Mary had difficulty seeing herself as a mother also.