Hmm....have not thought this direction for awhile when it comes to beauty. Instead I continue to see beauty out there, not in here. I am in awe of the beauty around me that I bear witness to every day. Dare I ask myself, Jen, how can you know beauty if you think it no longer resides in you?
Is there beauty in my belly that seems to keep growing? Can I find beauty in all this extra weight I carry? I look in the mirror and see one of those ancient mother goddess statues with roll upon roll of flesh spilling forth. As I look I can imagine those ancient people believing the world was born from her girth. But can I see her as beautiful?
I think I am holding all the grief and sadness of the past few years. Mostly the past few months. Ryan's death in a car accident, my mom's death from cancer, my husband's surgery to remove the cancer. If I go back a bit further it is also the weight I carry for the daughter I was not able to give birth to.
Eleven years ago my belly held the new life growing within me that emerged as my sweet precious son. Now that same belly holds so much grief, uncertainty and sadness. But as a woman, as a mother, can I believe that the grace of the Sprit is moving through that belly, creating new life and waiting for me to bear that new, wet, unique and precious life into the world.
Can I just dwell in the possibility? Letting Spirit have the how and me the open-hearted trust of being born anew? In this fifth minute, right now, I can.
